The Anglican Communion as Family

In the September issue of The Record, our Diocesan newspaper, Carol Cole Flanagan offers an insightful look at the Anglican Communion as a family -- the sort that can put the "fun" in "dysfunctional."

The article also gives a quick look at some of the ways that the late great rabbi, Ed Friedman, applied family systems theory to organizations. Ed realized that any organization is an organism, and human organizations organize themselves according to certain principles.

Basically, your family works like a family, but so does your workplace, so does the church, so does the choir, and so does your bridge club. That's why Bowen Family Systems Theory, which Murray Bowen developed in his work as a family therapist, has become so widely applied in any number of disciplines. It really explains why groups of people behave the way they do. Understanding why can help you function better in any group, whether that's ECW or the PTA, in the weekly department meeting or in the classroom.

We'll be looking at some of these organizing principles in the Wednesday night class that starts September 10 -- Family Ties That Bind. We start with supper at 6 p.m., then the class runs from 6:30-7:30 p.m.

+Kit

Playfulness and Healthy Responses

In Ed Friedman's posthumous book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, he describes how families and organizations become more and more anxious and reactive as they lose their sense of playfulness.

Playfulness, he says, is part of our mammalian make-up, and is necessary both for developing intimacy and for maintaining healthy boundaries. "You can, after all, play with your pet cat, horse, or dog, but it is absolutely impossible to develop a playful relationship with a reptile, whether it is your pet salamander, no matter how cute, or your pet turtle, snake or alligator. They are deadly serious (that is purposive) creatures," he writes.

Summer is a good time to develop the ability to be playful, while the sun is shining and the weather is warm and you can relax a bit. Then when winter sets in and the world is dark and the weight of work and responsibility and family presses in upon you, perhaps we might remember the lightness and humor, the joy and silliness of the sunnier season. Then perhaps we can react less like purposive reptiles and more like the playful mammals we are.

Bring a little light-heartedness into your next anxious moment... as Indigo Girls sang, "the best thing you've ever done for me. Is to help me take my life less seriously ... it's only life, after all."

Leading in the Age of the Quick Fix

Challenge is far more comforting than comfort. It is through challenge that one develops hope. – Ed Friedman

I have been a devotee of Rabbi Ed Friedman for years. Friedman was the first to connect Bowen Family Systems Theory to congregations and the way they function. His seminal work Generation to Generation has formed me and countless other pastoral leaders.

I spent today at the Franciscan Retreat Center in DeWitt at a seminar led by two women, one a student of Murray Bowen, the other a student of Ed Friedman. It was called "The Brain, Reactivity and Sabotage." Myrna Carpenter, the one from the Friedman Center in Bethesda, Maryland, reminded me of Ed's guide to good leadership:

1. Have a sense of self. Know where you begin and others end.
2. Observe and work on your own reactivity. What sets you off? How can you regulate your reactions?
3. Have a vision for your life. Know where you are headed. Be able to say "This I believe ..."
4. Stay an "I" when the system is demanding a "we." Know how to stand alone if necessary.
5. Watch out for resistance. It's coming ... how will you handle it?
6. Stay on course. Persist. Hang in there.

All of us are leaders in some aspect of our lives ... in our families, in our places of work, in our groups and affiliations. Ed Friedman's Generation to Generation and his posthumous work, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix can help anyone be a better parent, a better boss, a better committee chair or even just a better person.